The Old Maid and the Burglar (1910)

Miss Priscilla Mifkin is our heroine. Priscilla has long passed the matrimonial decline, but hope in her heart is not dead and she flirts with the butcher, baker and candlestick maker, honestly confident that one of these worthy gentlemen will some day propose to her. She wants a man: she doesn't care what sort of a creature he is, anything in trousers will do. Priscilla retires to her bed one night, peeping under the bedstead, as is her custom, to see if a man may be hidden under it. She rises with a doleful expression on her face when she finds her hopes have been useless. A short time later Priscilla is startled from her sleep by noises, unmistakably coming from the dining room. "Ah, a man at last!" Arming herself with a broom she steals out of her chamber, down the stairs and into the dining room. A burly intruder is just gathering up the silver. A stiff blow or two with the broom tumbles the astonished burglar into a heap and a moment later Miss Priscilla has him firmly tied to a chair. "No, no, kind sir," sue assures him, "I am not going to kill you. I'm going to marry you. You are going to be my own little hubby!" This last with infinite tenderness. The burglar looks at her face and makes a horrible grimace. "Not, not if I know it!" he breathes in determined aside. On his promise to be good and not run away she releases him and conducts him to the spare room, tells him to make himself perfectly at home and that they will have the minister early in the morning. She locks the door on the outside, being none too trustful of her adopted affinity's promise, vowing to keep him at all costs. But Burglar Bill, when he is left alone, shakes his head sadly, feels his bruises, then goes to the window and looks out. Just a ten-foot drop to the ground. Resolved to risk a broken neck rather than live with Priscilla, he writes a farewell note to his captor, opens the window and jumps out into the darkness. The next morning Priscilla, in her wedding gown, knocks gently on her burglar's door. No answer; finally she unlocks the door and goes in. Gone! Stung again! The little maiden lady drops on her knees and bursts into tears.

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GenresComedy Short
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